Remembering our differences

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Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.

With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in, the resentments build, communication breaks down, mistrust increases, rejection and repression result. The magic dies.

We ask ourselves: How does this happen? Why does it happen? Why does it happen to me?

Although very few people grow in love, it does happen.

“When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom”

“A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results”

“Sometimes offering a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own”

Women generally value love, communication, beauty and relationships. They spend a lot of time supporting and nurturing one another. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships with others. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.

“Many times a women just wants to share her feelings, about her day and her husband, thinking that he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems”

For example, Mary comes home from an exhausting day. She wants and needs to share her feelings about the day.

She says, “There is so much to do; I don’t have any time for myself! There are not enough hours in the day!!”

Tom says, “Well, you need to quit that job. You are not required to work so hard, find something you like to do”

She said, “But I like my job they just expect me to change everything at the drop of hat.”

Tom says, “Don’t listen to them just do the best that you can.”

She said, “I am! I can’t believe I completely forgot to call my mother”

Tom said: Don’t worry about it, she will understand.”

Mary says: “Do you know what she is going through? She really needs me!!”

Tom says: You worry too much. Thats why you’re so unhappy.”

Mary angrily says: “I am not always unhappy. Can’t you just listen to me?”

Tom says: “I am listening”

Mary says: Why do I even bother

If we want our marriage to thrive we must embrace the fact that submission is a partnership and differences are what make us unique. An essential element of a health marriage is a husband who understands that women speak 50,000 words each day and men speak 25,000. Consequently, a husband needs to be a much better listener than his wife. One couple that had been married for over 50 years was asked what was their secret and the Husband said not going to bed angry with each other. Of course a few times he had to stay up all night, but they worked it out.

Kiss your wife every morning. If you do you will live longer and go to work more often

Samuel H. Hancock Ed.D.



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